“They love to hate us until they need us.”
I distinctly remember the first time I heard my husband say those words. He said it so matter-of-factly, it kind of shocked me.
We were relatively young in our law enforcement experience – with just a couple of small kids and still somewhat naive (or at least, I was naive) as to the whole “the world hates cops” sort of mentality.
Before LEO Life
I was a Senior in high school at the time of the Rodney King riots. Mr. King was a victim of police brutality in Los Angeles. Living in Las Vegas then, our Senior Prom was postponed due to the riots and the fact that the National Guard was stationed at the convention center where we planned to hold our dance. I remember watching the footage on tv – being shocked at the violence at the hands of the police – and equally shocked at the destruction and violence across the country as a result of the acquittal of those officers.
None of it made sense to my 18-year-old self.
But even then, I knew enough to know that it wasn’t normal – -and that neither the police nor the rioters, represented the average American citizen – in the profession – or the community.
A Law Enforcement Family
Fast forward a few years to when we were a young married couple with a couple of children. Becoming a police officer was never part of the “original plan.” (Raise your hand if life has ever followed your “original plans” – I would love to pick your brain.) And yet, interestingly, our family has a history of law enforcement professions: FBI, Border Patrol, and Police on both sides of the family.
Over the years, the reality of the “they love to hate us until they need us,” seems as much a part of the job as crazy schedules, a duty belt, and the stereotypical “cops love donuts.”
It isn’t right. It just is what it is.
Police officers aren’t super-human.
Trust me, I know, as I’ve been married to one for nearly 28 years. He’s pretty amazing and I will never be able to comprehend how he does all that he does on limited sleep, rotating 12-hour shifts, and endless stress and pressure. But the fact remains: officers are just people.
People – just like you and me.
I would never make excuses for the deplorable behavior as evidenced by some officers – but I also know these officers are most definitely not representatives of the whole.
And yet, why does it seem so easy to collectively hate the police?
Not ones to stir the pot, we usually just try to go about our business – doing the best we can to be active and positively contributing members of the community in which we live.
No one really asks– and we certainly don’t expect them to– but the overarching sentiment regarding our profession (and trust me – the profession definitely impacts the entire family) can take a toll.
I’d be lying if I said that seeing what some of my friends and even family members post/comment about the police isn’t hurtful. They know my husband, and my brother, and know what kind of people they are.
And yet, it’s as though all officers are lumped together due to horrible decisions by some who wear the badge.
Shielding the kids
When the kids were little – it was easy to shield them from negativity and hate.
However, as they have gotten older, several of them have had unsettling and upsetting experiences simply because they are children of an officer. We’ve encouraged them not to engage with people via social media who are bad-mouthing the police.
But sometimes, when the confrontations are in person and personal, that advice is easier said than done.
In September of 2020 – after ending the previous school year early due to the pandemic, our kids went back to high school in person, one day a week. After struggling with online learning and missing the interactions with friends, my daughter (a very social girl) was particularly excited to return – even if only for one day.
After only a few weeks, however, she started complaining about not wanting to go – making up ailments and other excuses as to why she would be better off at home. About three weeks into this totally out-of-character behavior, she came clean. She told me that she didn’t want to cause me additional stress but that she needed to tell me why she didn’t want to go to school.
In tears, she informed me that her resistance to school was due to all the horrible things her “friends” were saying about her dad. They’d been saying cruel things to her and making horrible comments to her and others, warning their African American friends that they better steer clear of her dad. After all, they’d said, he’s a police officer and he probably couldn’t be trusted.
These were “friends” she’d had for years.
These were “friends” who have been to our house numerous times.
These were “friends” who know her dad.
And yet…
How do you explain something to your children that makes no sense to adults?
“They love to hate us until they need us.”
The words no longer shock me.
But they still make me sad.
PS – I hesitated to post this – simply because past experience has taught me that my husband may get backlash when I express my opinions related to his profession. He never shuts me down – even when he knows he may have to deal with the fallout — but still, I feel it’s best to state that these are my opinions and my opinions only. My words only represent my experiences as a police wife and as a mother to children of an officer.
And FYI – May 15-May 21 is both Police Appreciation Week as well as EMS Appreciation week. You can find some really cool gifts here.
