** I cannot and do not take credit for writing this commentary. It was sent to me by a friend in 2008 and there was no author attached – but I would love to know who wrote it originally as I feel we could be great friends! I have made a few alterations and additional to the text I was originally sent.
The Next Survivor Series
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports (at least one travel team) and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects. Additionally, he must cook and do laundry as well as pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills without enough money.
Each man will have to budget for groceries every week, as well as unexpected expenses relating to team sports, school fees, toilet paper and the ever-increasing price of eggs.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all friends and relatives, and send cards out on time-emailing is not allowed.
Each man must take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut. He will go dress shopping and visit a mock “Costco” with all children in tow — at dinnertime.
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function or school party — only getting notice to do so at 10 pm the night before.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, keeping it presentable inside at all times while planting flowers and a garden outside.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish, shoes, and keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, and backaches, in addition to extreme, unexplained mood swings – yet never once complaining or slowing down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school and church meetings, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book and sing to the kids each night before bed. In the morning, they will need to feed, dress, brush teeth, and comb each child’s hair by 7:00 am. It is a given that at least one child will not like the chosen breakfast/hairstyle/clothing choice and will have a meltdown before starting the process over.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthdate, height, weight, shoe size, clothing size, and doctor’s name.
He will also need to know the child’s birth details: weight, length, time of birth, and length of labor, in addition to each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18 to 25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
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After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. Just don’t send it back to me…. I’m going to bed.
A FINAL NOTE
If you don’t appreciate the humor…no worries, maybe you don’t live it. And that is totally fine. This is not male/dad bashing…it’s simply sarcasm.
And for the record, if my spouse is playing – -my money is on him. He can do all these things – and more — in addition to working 60-80 hours/week. And, I know he’d have some stiff competition from other dads we know – as we know some pretty incredible dads.
